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I remember getting up one morning thinking 'This is the day I start to write the script that has so firmly taken its place at the back of my mind for so many months'. You know, that classic 'blank sheet of paper moment'. This would be the day I would confront it.
For some reason, I could only really begin to grasp and sort these ideas by drawing diagrams in a large A2 sketchpad. Identifying the multiple characters in a series of scribbled Venn diagrams to show (myself) how I understood their interaction.
I'd put it off and off. You know - procrastinating in all the usual ways. Fear of confrontation with 'self' that resoundingly confirms that you didn't have it in you, got disillusioned, told yourself there was probably no point, couldn't feel it anymore. Fear of total, unadulterated, failure - whatever. But then the ideas began to take an almost possessive hold and soon the battle to do - or not to do - was firmly underway.
I'd made one movie before ' Chromophobia'. ' Onegin'. A period-piece love story set in snowy nineteenth century Russia and starring my brother Ralph in the lead role, opposite the wonderful Liv Tyler.
Looking back, I think I'd developed a kind of paranoia about being pigeon-holed after that. If you become known for something, you can easily become associated entirely with that thing, as if you're somehow moronically incapable of anything else. I had encountered scripts-set-in-the-present-day here and there in the years since Onegin that I'd felt passionate about, but with Onegin as my calling card, I'd generally met with a kind of confused, bewilderment that I could have interests - or indeed even be remotely 'bankable' - to make a movie so-different-from-the-one-before.

Expressions of interest on my part would usually be accompanied by a shaking of the head as the proverbial person in question would reach down to a drawer and pull out, - guess what? A script set in the snowy wastes of..er - nineteenth century Russia - or basically as good as. I guess it's all understandable up to a point, but my interests for the next one were firmly, for whatever reason, in a completely different place.
My husband/life partner/cameraman/dad-to-our-kids and scriptwriter-of-my-next-movie shrugged, faintly dismissively on the occasions I'd felt - well, stuck on how to move ahead. 'I don't know why you just don't sit down and write yourself. You're more than capable. Just write it'. So armed with his passable encouragement I finally did just that. I sat down to write.
I felt oddly vindicated the other day - when I saw ' There Will Be Blood'. I say this because I think - and have always thought - Paul Thomas Anderson is a truly great film maker. So I'm going to admit here to being keenly inspired by Magnolia and Boogie Nights. I like what I sense as a seriously 'out there' streak in him. A kind of uncompromising quality that I cannot help but seriously admire.
He's genuinely original, sophisticated, funny, juggling and articulating a ton of human archetypes with Cirque du Soleil ease and always just that bit 'out there'. Rock on PTA.
There were others too - I'm talking vague areas of inspiration. I was chasing a kind of visceral quality; interconnecting lives, - something about the crazy intensity and diversity of modern (metropolitan) living. A sprinkling of Altman, (' Short Cuts') shreds of Alejandro Iñárritu - ( Amores Perros). But set here, in the UK and touching on themes, ideas, characteristics unique to Britain. At the same time, at a fundamental emotional level, it would talk a universal language, as I saw it. What I did feel, was that whatever I was trying, it was not a typically Brit Film. It wasn't a period movie. It wasn't 'kitchen sink' - surely a Big Brit favourite. It was definitely not a comedy, or a thriller, or a horror. It was - 'a drama'. It sounds simple enough - but apparently it wasn't.
The great thing was, when I did write, the script emerged with an ease that I hadn't dared anticipate. Once I finally faced Final Draft, (the uber screenplay-writing software) I felt energy, focus and a kind of control. I got up early, went straight to it each day. It felt clear and almost strangely, unfolded itself before me. Thank you Muses. 'Course I did a ton of re-jigs, tweaks, fiddled endlessly, got people to read - took notes, bit nails, did all the usual before getting to the point where I felt I could send it out.
If you've got something to sell, you've gotta find a way to position it - in peoples' minds. So I started out spouting a tag line that it was a kind of "British-based 'Magnolia'". The first thing I learnt was that because the script wasn't 'a comedy or a thriller or a period movie etc'- then ergo, it had no genre - and was to be regarded with circumspection - scepticism. Basically, a less-easy sell. Someone even coined the term 'off piste' which perfectly describes the kind of exclusion zone I now realised I was in. 'But it's an ensemble drama. It follows in the footsteps of great films like Magnolia etc. - a kind of interconnecting stories thing - but Brit based.' I enthused to one of many potential financiers. 'Yes but don't mention a film like Magnolia. It didn't make any money. It doesn't sound good'. Lesson One: Things are not as you thought.

As everybody knows, you've got to 'attach talent' - actors - to your project, all of which builds what is known as 'the package'. Every actor who says 'Yes. OK. I'd like to do this if they get the money", basically attaches themselves to a project. So the more 'established' the actors you attach are, the stronger - and all-the-more-financiable your film becomes. Well in theory at least.
Incredibly, for me at least, actors responded (for that is the term) to the script of Chromophobia. Maybe I got lucky, who knows. I did have some great allies - the legendary Patsy Pollock for one, who got it out to cast in early days and from there the cast just built and built. OK - I can hear cynics wondering - 'So how difficult was it to get your brother to act in it?' - In this case he who asked to read the script. I'd probably been nervous to show it. When he did finally read, he called and was generous and intelligent. A week after that, he called to say, that if it were of interest to me, he'd like to 'put himself forward to play the part of Stephen - an Old Master Drawing expert, and best-friend to the Kristin Scott Thomas character. I said I'd think about it.
- Just kidding.
We knew we wanted a non-English European or Eastern European actress to play the part - Gloria, a terminal sex worker - so we sent it out to a well-respected Actor's Manager who reps some great European talent. Swiftly, she put forward one of her young Spanish actresses - who I subsequently met and liked immediately. We were about to move ahead and attach her when we were told that Penelope Cruz had seen the script and had indicated her interest. Would I meet her? Guess you might call it a Darwin thing - but there are some decisions that you don't mess with. For the record, PC was exceptional; generous, intelligent, passionate, professional. I had lucked out.
One morning the phone range - "Hello. This is Ian Holm. I've read your script and I'd like to play the part of Edward Aylesbury". I hesitated, amused at the the hilarious bluntness - trying to figure out who was pulling my leg.
Rhys Ifans was the first person I went out to. I remember going to the post office to post him the script. A few days later someone called to say he liked it. I remember bellowing out some kind of euphoric blast causing our au pair to run upstairs to see if I was ok.

Iona Aylesbury was always a secret character-favourite of mine. Kristin Scott Thomas hand confirmed her interest early on - two years in fact, before we started production. Dare I say that I don't think anyone has played this character before? I think her performance hits a bullseye. A kind of fusion of pin-sharp satire - but ultimately genuinely moving; - shoppaholic, neurotic, stylish-living, wannabe art dealer - mother-of-difficult-child. There was a moment just before shooting when it looked as if she might do another movie instead - much wrangling ensued and I was quickly forced consider alternatives for the part. Funny thing was, I soon realised that anyone else was a kind of attempt at squaring the hole. It had to be Kristin or bust. Thankfully - and there was blood - fate played into our hands and she was able to swing her commitment.
Or not so great..
All interest from every obvious British financing entity remained firmly at zero. One after another they responded to the package with a firm, resounding "No".
One of the oft-cited reasons for this was apparently the character of Iona. "Unlikeability" was the charge. I was stumped. All I could think of was the ton of 'unlikeable' characters who had graced the screen so brilliantly through the course of film history. "But.. her failings is what she is all about! She's a comment on our..obsessive consumer value system!" My passion fell on deaf ears.
I remember bumping into the director Hugh Hudson - 'With that cast? And you can't get finance? Good God, there's no hope for any of us!'. Seeds of doubt started to take hold. I saw Stephen Frears on a plane and found myself eliciting advice. 'You're budget's too big. Sounds like you've gotta get your budget down'. I knew how tight the budget already was. Had I got this equation all wrong? Was the budget, at under £4million too big for the off-piste drama I had written? And why didn't the cast mean more? Enter Ron Rotholz.

One morning, I heard my name shouted from a Soho Street corner - and turned to see a young (aussie) girl. I think I'd helped her get job sometime earlier, working for a respected producer. "No I left that now" - she smiled enthusiastically. "I'm working for an American producer called Ron Rotholz - who's come over here and is looking for scripts. Have you got any?" I smiled. It sounded cheap - just not the way it's done. "Er.. I may have." "Well send them this way, to Ron, honest!" "Ok". No intention of course. I was tired of rejection.
She hassled me periodically after that. Then it got embarrassing. My fault really since I had told her that I did have a script. Ok, just press 'send' and forget about it. I did just that.
A week later Ron's office called asking me to come and see him. He liked the script, I was told I've taught myself - probably to a fault - to keep expectations to the lowest possible level - a kind of survival kit thing. We shook hands and went to sit down. Ron was an intelligent talker. I liked him immediately. He covered a lot of ground - good ground - but it wasn't about the script. He also talked in that way that you find you listen rather than participate. Nod a lot. I got to that moment, you know - the one when you desperately want to check the time without making it obvious. When I did manage, I saw that we were over the 90minute mark. Hey - the length of time of an average movie. "So - what all this brings me to, is that I really like your script. I want to make this movie. With this cast you know, it's like a total no-brainer. All my favourite actors. It kind of reminds me of PTA. Know who I mean? I know Paul from NY and LA. He spent a lot of time in my office. We're gonna make this movie and I want to bike over an option, with a cheque - by the end of the afternoon - ok?"
I could hear Fate sniggering. You know - that dark comedic sense of humour he's so proud of. Ron was as good as his word and the cheque arrived exactly as he said.
More than that, he got the film made. Ron, myself and all the cast walked the red carpet at Cannes for 'closing night. But that's all jumping way ahead - because the real hair pin bends and black runs were all laid out ahead of us.
The fun stuff was only just beginning.
But hey, that's what movie making's all about - isn't it? :-D
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