I could tell you how long it would take to fly to the Gamma Quadrant at maximum warp. Bang on for hours about Klingon history and culture (Qa'Pla!). I could even tell you what a Tribble likes to eat. Because I am a nerd, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Fantasy and trivia are the meat and potatoes in the stew of my life. Toys are the gravy. At best, reality is the peas. Not as nice and no way near as important. That's why, if you ever try to draw me into a serious, grown-up conversation about real-life matters, I won't be bringing much to that particular table.

Maybe I should keep this to myself, but the truth is I'm just not that interested in the world around me, in people and events and nature and stuff. Occasionally someone or something from the real world does catch my eye, but I'm easily distracted and soon lose interest. So, what does May 5 mean to me? Clearly I am not a political animal. Without ever really having paid attention to the world, I have nevertheless come to the conclusion that no matter who you vote for, you're not gonna get what you want. Whoever you end up putting your faith in ultimately lets you down. It seems this year the only reason to vote for one of them is to keep the other out, and that's just rubbish. That's why I prefer superheroes. They know how to get things done, and they look good while they're doing it. 

I thought I was alone in this, that everyone else in the country was more interested in everyone else in the country than me, but as it turns out, there are 2000 Blockbuster customers who are at least as out of it as I am. Suddenly I don't feel so alone. The lunatics may well one day take over the asylum. My evidence is this: a recent poll which many of you took part in to pick the ultimate Movie Cabinet, namely the actors and characters who, in an ideal world, you'd like to see running the country. The results were, shall we say, disturbing. I mean, E.T. as Foreign Secretary? Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal as Health Secretary? Judi Dench's M from the Bond movies as Home Secretary? Actually, I like the sound of that one. And I could definitely get behind Darth Vader as the Secretary of Defence. No one would dare pick a fight with us. Of course, we'd go to war with the whole world and destroy everything, but no plan's perfect. And when Darth needs a date for an important state dinner, he could take sexy young Health Secretary Keira Knightley (a.k.a. Jules from Bend it Like Beckham). 

Shrek secured the Chancellor's job, though personally I felt it should have gone to mean old Mr Krabbs from Spongebob Squarepants. Julia Roberts as Erin Brockovich as Environment Secretary kind of makes sense, though Erin Brockovich as Erin Brockovich as Environment Secretary might have made more. Not much more, of course, but either would be a more sensible choice than School of Rock's Jack Black as Education Secretary. I'm not sure what he could teach the kids. He could tell them where the pies are, I suppose. Still, most of these previous postings seem almost logical compared to the horror of your top choice for Prime Minister. Shame on you all for giving Love Actually's Hugh Grant the top job. That's four years of stuttering and bumbling and mildly embarrassing behaviour. Come to think of it, that's totally spot on. 
 
So there you have it. The closest thing to a political story I can write. I still haven't said what May 5 means to me, though. And I feel it's something I should come out with immediately, as there's a slight chance of subsequent material gain. It's my birthday. I'm going to be 36 and that's more than enough reality for me for one day. I just thought that if you're rich and enjoy sending strangers money, you might like to know that. No big deal. As for the rest of you, happy voting!

See you next week! 

Marshall

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